PART THREE

Saturday February 22, Central Cafe, Weinham, Germany:
Now, I don't mean to offend any long-time, dedicated Smugglers fans (especially Joe Kirk of Philadelphia who got the first-ever Smugglers' tattoo, or Paul Compton, founder and creator of the Smugglers' web page) but it was in Weinham, Germany that the Smugglers met a very strong runner-up for the heralded #1 Fan slot. Meet Mitch, a 6'9" friendly giant and editor of the crazy German fanzine "Useless Earlyripes." This guy was a beacon of hope for us in Weinham. First off, we arrived to find we were added late to a hardcore/snowboard scene show, and we were to headline over the "popular" bands. Whatever, right? Hey, we're the Smugglers here! But of course, if the Smugglers are unknown to these German baggy pants they may all leave before getting a chance to "Rock With The Smugglers Tonight." So we were feeling pretty down, huddling around the merch table listening to SKA-T tell us that the kids would most definitely leave before we play, and to just write off the gig, and get him another beer. And then the Shadow was cast upon us. We turned around, looked up and saw the grinning face of a human tower of power pouring out a bag of Smugglers records collected from the ages. I mean this guy had EVERYTHING! LIKE EVERY RECORD AND SONG WE'VE EVER RELEASED!!! From the first comp track in 1989 onwards! The 10"! The Popllama stuff! The obscure 7"s! Long-forgotten comps! Put it this way, I collect everything we do and he had more of our shit than I did, and Mitch is from small-town Germany. I am out of it! He then giddily explained that he wanted us to autograph every record, which we did, and it took so long we almost missed this shitty gig! But play it we did, and the kids did stick around, and much to the shock of the two HC opening bands, the choreographed moves, contests, sweat, toil, swearing, stinky suits, rubber boots and good times prevailed, and the kids did indeed "Rock With The Smugglers Tonight!"

Sunday February 23, Cafe Mukkes, Leeuwarden, Netherlands:
Yip, we were back in Friesland. Some scheduled German show didn't happen, and the folks in Leeuwarden wanted another laugh, so off we went. This gig went off much like the first, except there was more people, which I guess is a good thing. Back in the Netherlands, English is much more prevalent so the contests were no problem.. In fact, the kissing contest winner this evening took it upon her vivacious self to kiss each and every Smuggler, and give all five Smugglers the hot tongue while she was at it! YAHTZEE!!! (This was the first time Dave had ever been kissed in the contest, and he was also kissed last, which meant we all effectively also tongued him. He was very shaken up).

Monday February 24 - Tuesday February 25, Amsterdam, Netherlands:
We had two big start o' the week days off back here in Amsterdam, so we got a room for six near the centre of town and made the most of freedom city, where the sex is hot, the drugs are cool and the booze is on the street and it's all l-e-g-a-l! SKA-T of course made the most of it, when he and Bryce took off from the museum-tour the rest of the Smugglers were on to go see the Specials. There he of course met the only other North Americans in the club and proceeded to make out with one of them. Turns out she's a stripper from California (not quite as hot as the mysterious "Bud Girl" who kept him up all night engaged in phone sex last year in Denver). Among other numerous stops on their night of Dutch debauchery was a drink at the Amsterdam Planet Hollywood, where SKA-T's stripper felt the need to flash her fun-bags in all their naked glory right in the face of a bugged-eyed, drunk 'n' horny SKA-T in the middle of the restaurant. It's a wild town!

Wednesday February 26, The Between, Koln, Germany:
This town is actually Cologne, Germany, but Koln is the way they spell it in English or something. I don't know... ask a German. The Between is a tiny punk bar in the older part of Koln, and on this rare occasion we were playing with another band, this time a Berlin group called Church Of Confidence that kinda milked a Social Distortion "I grew up fast, I grew up tough" deal. The punk promoter laid out a huge rider spread for us that we weren't even close to finishing before he escorted us to our bizarre hotel. It was situated inside the city's central train station, so when the room shook, for once it wasn't just Dave farting.

This may have been our smallest crowd of the tour, but it was cool because they were all fans and we did about four ridiculously long encores. Ritchie from Screaming Apple Records ("At Germany" 7", 1992) also showed up and it was great to finally meet him.

Thursday February 27, Bakkerij, Eindhoven, Netherlands:
Back in Holland again, this time to a central university party town. The club we played was a purist hash bar, with smoke so thick you were stoned before you could say, "Bakery, oh I get it!" You shoulda seen the coners Beez and Dave were sparking! We're talking like doobie cigars here. Massive joints. Towering fat-boys. Smokin' dubbage. Anyhow, this club is on a party strip, much like the Flats in Cleveland or Bourbon Street in New Orleans, so it was crawling with drunk people, but not too many wandered into the pot-shop that night. A small but fun show, especially when we got done and the DJ cranked up the '70s bubblegum music and we all danced the night away in a stoned 'n' dazed, freebird-frenzy.

Friday February 28, De Vlerk, Rotterdam, Netherlands:
Great club, wonderful promoter-couple, nasty crowd. We had basically come to the expectation that the Dutch were completely mellow, but here in Rotterdam, you had your basic two or three guys who wanted to start a pit, got their attitudes and elbows up and effectively ostracized and intimidated the rest of the audience to the sidelines. We HATE that! It also didn't help matters when a "fan" felt the need to spit beer on my "S" jacket, nor did it go over too well when the audience collectively refused to collect on the kissing contest prize. That always does wonders for our egos. It also didn't help that Hans the tour booker and Gijs the label guy were both seeing us for the first time, which made us giddy as school girls. As Dave said later, it felt like a San Francisco show. Oh well, can't win 'em all over.

Saturday March 1, Parkhof, Alkmaar, Netherlands:
THE LAST SHOW OF THE TOUR! YES MAMA! After four weeks in Europe we were finally wrapping it up at another "festival" (ten or so bands) at a community centre that looked much like Gilman if Gilman was in a park on a canal in western Holland. Lotsa kids were at this all day affair, and we were headlining the whole thing! Plenty of Lookout Records worshippers were out, and lotsa ska bands played so SKA-T finally had something to cheer about besides a month of cheap sex.

We had a wild time since a bunch of our new friends from Leeuwarden came down to basically hug and kiss us a lot. Come showtime, the sweat flew, the dance contest winner was a knock-out, the kissing contest winner rammed it down Beez' throat and we sold all the rest of our merchandise. It was a perfect finish to a great tour and we can't wait to get back! Monte Carlo or bust! Thanks a lot for reading this far and we'll see you in the front row!

The Smugglers

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